47 Comments
User's avatar
Reisson Poh's avatar

This piece is uncomfortable in its clarity.

To me, it seems like a drunk driver who passed that doesn't sound regretful at all. He tries to say the empathetic phrases of regret talking about the children he orphaned, but the tone throughout the poem does not reflect that at all. It seems more resigned if anything.

Digging deeper, that might be the reason why he was drinking in the first place. It almost makes you sympathetic for his mental health, though you quickly remember the crime he commited.

This piece is beautiful in its complexity. Love it.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Reisson. I agree, I think you have to lack a certain empathy to get behind a wheel drunk

Original Worlds (Ira Robinson)'s avatar

"Give salt and water for the wicked"

I just love how you phrased that.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Ira

KOMOREBI's avatar

So heartbreaking but beautifully written

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Komorebi

A Writer’s Voice's avatar

Heartbreaking and yet beautiful, Mike. You are someone I strive to be as good as here on Substack. You are incredible.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you so much Chris. You've had me chopping onions afew times yourself. Like HVR, I choked up on Don't Drink and Drive. I still do just thinking about it

Suzanne as Pilgrimdoodles's avatar

So elegantly written, yet such emotional impact. Thank you.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Suzanne

Suzanne as Pilgrimdoodles's avatar

I was reflecting earlier what a strange practice writing is 😊. None of us 'own' language, yet some possess a talent to rearrange words in a particular order.... and make them somehow profoundly their own. I see that in this poem.

Nicholas Samuel Stember's avatar

Wow. This poem was very intense and emotional. In my youth, I used to be an EMT riding on a volunteer first aid squad, and I've seen the results of such events as you described. This poem will haunt me a bit. Beautifully written and executed.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Nicholas

Regolith's avatar

This is tragic PancakeSushi. 😔 as always, a perfectly executed piece.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Regolith

Regolith's avatar

My pleasure. 😊

Maria Matheou's avatar

Intense

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Maria

Pamela Chambers's avatar

“Though I may be hard to mourn Let me pass in peace. Sounds like this person has some regret, however does not want to feel it but want to replace with peace because mourning in the present is unbearable!

Pamela Chambers's avatar

You are Welcome! Great job!

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Pamela

Pamela Chambers's avatar

Though

Tombarriesimmons's avatar

I had to reread it

It affected me more the second time

Now I have an emptiness

And I'm not sure how to fill it x

PancakeSushi's avatar

I'm sorry it affected you like that Mr T

Tombarriesimmons's avatar

Don't be

Not your fault

Some things just affect me x

FuckOffWithLove's avatar

I felt terminator dooms day vibes

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you FOWL, but only if the Terminator was a drunk driver

FuckOffWithLove's avatar

I’m terrible at poetry and sometimes don’t get it but now I see it and 🤯.

My friends father died at the fate of a drunk driver and my uncle was killed by a boy under the influence.

PancakeSushi's avatar

I'm sorry FOWL

I wanted to spread awareness about how tragic it is

FuckOffWithLove's avatar

It definitely is and you did a great job

Aaliya's avatar

Your words are deeply moving and beautifully written.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Aaliya

Michael Hatcher's avatar

Almost unbearably sad!

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Mike

Gary L Taylor's avatar

A tragic powerful piece. Actions like this often leave nothing but devastation in multiple places, across families and friends.

There's a brutal intensity and finality to it. Superb.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Gary

Sara da Encarnação's avatar

Powerful. Destabilizing too.

PancakeSushi's avatar

Thank you Sara